Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
how does that bad decision feel?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
