There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
