someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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