tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
