Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
