Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
