they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
