im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
