You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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