plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
