So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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