i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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