I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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