I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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