wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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