i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
