I think i sorta joined a cult last night
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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