You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
smell my finger.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
