what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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