His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
How's work?
Spinning.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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