i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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