I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
