There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
