Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
