All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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