turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
