The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
