I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
