Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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