You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
