I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
