Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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