i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
