Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We just shotgunned beers for America
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
