even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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