now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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