Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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