is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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