she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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