You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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