If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
