if i can run in heels then i can drive
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
