You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
