if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
