if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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