the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
