you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
