The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
