dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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