I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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