Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
