i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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