Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
