i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
