Ketchup is God's man juice
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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