You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
