hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize