Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
