I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
