apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
