dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
