I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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