that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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